The Directory is Done. What to do Next?

by Amy Porter on January 27, 2012

The directory is done.  My body is as taut as a violin string, maybe even tighter.  My posture sucks from bending over the keyboard late into the night.  My sleep is restless from coming off an adrenaline high; and I sense something new is out there.  I’m too excited to focus.  My husband jokingly calls this “our post-printing depression.” (Instead of postpartum depression.)

To release this trauma from my body, I know I need some outside help and support.  It’s more than my husband and I can do together. This is a repeating pattern – the way we put the directory together: the intense anticipation, the adrenaline highs and lows, and finally the need to push (the directory out).  It’s birth all over again.

Breathing through it

I choose a modality for releasing that I’m more than comfortable with.  It’s breathwork.  I’ve been a breath work fan for 20 years.  Breathwork utilizes the power of our own breathing to energize the body; and allows the body to make choices separate from the over-protective ego.

It’s the kind of healing work that is best to do without any preconceived ideas or intentions.  Whatever happens is well beyond the protective ego.

I chose to attend a breathwork meditation workshop the day after the directory debut, when I was still feeling the intensity of the birth.  The 2-1/2 hour workshop was led by Kris & Savanna Cassidy.  If you want to understand the power of the breath and what their workshop entails, check out their site.

Everything happens for a reason.  While I knew 2 women well in the group, I didn’t lay my mat near either, nor did I know the people who laid on either side of me.  Yet, it was like the lady to my right had known me forever.  Our breathing cadences often matched.  It was when they were out of sync, we both experienced immense intense releases in our bodies.

When it was over, I felt the endorphins kick-in, like I was experiencing a runner’s high.  I could consciously hear my body says, “Wow!” and then again, “Wow!”

Taking Responsibility for Me

I chose breathwork because it’s an experiential method that allows me to take responsibility for my healing and release.  I also don’t control the outcome.  That means my ego doesn’t play or protect me nor does my fear hold me back.  Breathing is powerful.

Fear stops some of us from doing conscious breathing.  Whether it is past memories, subconscious birth memories (or a drugged delivery), or anxiety, we hold ourselves back from breathing in life.

During the breath session, I actually re-experienced the trauma from my car crash with the steering wheel connecting in my ribs.  I finally understood why I wasn’t breathing well and why standing up straight was so traumatic.  The bent posture was more of a result from the continual blows to my mid-section.

Kind of like the fighter going down for the count.  That’s how I’d been living my life, laying in the fetal position on the mat; arms wrapped around, protecting my gut; waiting for the referee to call the fight.

Today, I’m, up off the mat, busy delivering directories, posting online and taking deep breaths.

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